Fathers Day

It’s Father’s Day again ; every year the same Delema. I’ve just spent the last half hour looking at photos of strangers and people I know with there fathers; I would never dream of putting up a picture of Dad and I, I’m not even sure one exists. Finding a card for dad is a challenge; what to get for the the parent you have no relationship with; I can’t even pick a card. Who writes these cards ; I believe they are written by alcoholics who are using their drug induced states of euphoria to regurgitate the feelings they wished they had. I always end up picking the card thats funny; something about farting or belching ……..something that reminds me of dad , is genuine, without being truthful. This year I didn’t even get a card ; I talked to him on the phone this morning; always an accounting of some up and coming disaster…….today’s apocalypse , a storm is coming. In my mind I see the severe weather he speaks of moving from above his head to all areas around him; he loves a storm. I have one sister and we both avoid talking about dad ; usually a somber conversation where no happy feelings exist ; just a very good dark sense of humor. When we were growing up everyday was Father’s Day ; narsacists take everyday as theirs ; we were all invisible; the only people who have needs are themselves.  Father’s Day for me is about being free from being under his dark cloud and all the guilt and shame and sadness that goes with it; Happy Freedom Day!

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